10/10 Don’t Recommend

Weighed myself last night and internally teared up. I had already decided to fast most of Saturday because I wasn't happy where I was, but I couldn't get out of eating at the wedding reception...believe me, I tried. So today I ate some breakfast and decided that was that. I'll just be miserable and fat,... Continue Reading →

What is it like?

Emptied Pond. Wrote 2 Posts. Weeded. Intentionally did not eat Then J came home and asked what I ate So I went to Wendys (400). Drinking hot tea and water. Did decent until I ate a PB&J (240) and a whoopie pie (94). Happy mood most of the day. Finished reading Wintergirls.  It was really good.... Continue Reading →

Easier than Meat

Still no news. Griffon drowned in the pond on Tuesday. I don't know what he was doing or why I couldn't hear him. Now he's in an urn on the piano beside Maci. Insurance and ERC are not working very hard at even talking to one another. I'm to the point that I don't even... Continue Reading →


APR3. Still not dead. 500kcal down the throat so far today. If I were more strict I could make that last all day long: 1 Bowl Oatmeal = 130 to 160 x3= 390 to 480 with hot tea several times a day.... to stave off the hunger pangs. 116.2 this morning. MM worked like a dream.... Continue Reading →

This Facade

**TWIGGER WARNING: SELF LOATHING, SELF HARM, SI THOUGHTS.  DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE**           Shitty mood all day. Made worse by shit thoughts expressed by someone who is suppose to love me I wish I were 17 so I could say, "FUCK OFF THEN stop threatening" without all the baggage. Back... Continue Reading →

I’m Fucked

Ate a lot yesterday No compensation Today the scale shows I gained 4lbs How am I supposed to eat today knowing this? Going with mother in law to garden city today which means lunch out. Fuck me. I can't I need to fast I went from needing to lose 2.5lbs to needing to lose 6.5lbs... Continue Reading →

First and Last

I'm in such a shit mood. NOTHING from insurance or ERC yet. Have a UTI. Called Doc because of persistent fever and back pain CT Scan this AM Cuz they thought it might be a kidney stone. All labs, scan, and kidney function are fine. So repeat UA in 2 weeks. In the meantime I'll... Continue Reading →

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