Shhhhhh….ut Your Mouth

Who's up for some reduction of self in the new year? Me? Oh, Oh! Me! ME!!!!! Fuck me Fuxk my "self" I don't need to be heard Or talkOr matterOr eatOr exist..... I only live to please others Why do I think it's okay to defend myself? Why do I continually perpetuate fights in which... Continue Reading →

There is Safety in Hiding

Decay @Kelsi M. Ozbun So it's been almost a year, again. I've been hiding, and living, but mostly hiding. Today I am hiding. The phone rings, three times now, I think, and I just look at it wondering what the other end of the line could possibly want with me. I am hiding at the... Continue Reading →

Another Good Day

I want another good day. Full of laughs, smiles, and prayers. Full of hope for the future.... and for the now. Full of LOVE for Christ, Salvation, Resurrection, REDEMPTION... For living fully with Christ in this life. Don't judge any other denomination for their "weird rituals" For they are doing the best with what they've... Continue Reading →

That’s all I knew

I am not a fool I know what this is Even if I believe it I’m not ready to say it out loud. I spent how long freeing myself from indoctrination. Believing that all others were wrong— Going to hell wrong, I refuse to believe that; I refuse to push my faith on anyone dead... Continue Reading →

10/10 Don’t Recommend

Weighed myself last night and internally teared up. I had already decided to fast most of Saturday because I wasn't happy where I was, but I couldn't get out of eating at the wedding reception...believe me, I tried. So today I ate some breakfast and decided that was that. I'll just be miserable and fat,... Continue Reading →

Apathetic Oxygen

While I realize that most of my posts of late are basically my treatment experience I wanted to say that I am glad to be able to share them.  Depressing, anxiety provoking, angst though they may be, these thoughts and experiences are real.  These are the things I experienced while at EDCare, a place that... Continue Reading →

I’m Not Important

Feel so Calm. So Snarky. Semi-happy. It's all DISORDERED. Lied about thoughts, behaviors, intention (kinda) at breakfast. Thoughts at a 5. No behaviors. Intent to complete. Feeling Calm. FUCK THEM. I won't glorify restriction. I'm sorry they thought that of my honesty. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M HONEST. THIS IS WHY I HIDE. Can't... Continue Reading →

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