One More. These are words I need to hear, over and over and over again. Sometimes the wisdom I leave behind astounds me. It is surely the work of the Holy Spirit who knows how I write to remember….
I was reading about fasting (since we are in Lent, I assume) and it impressed me that we fast for God’s glory, not our own.
Jesus says in Matthew 6:16-18 to fast in private and not let anyone know. 1 Samuel 16:7 should be my banner while I’m at treatment. It says:
“But the LORD said to Samuel,
‘Do NOT consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.
The LORD does not look at the things people look at.
People look at the outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart.'”
Psalm 51:16-17 says,
“You do not want a sacrifice, or I would give it;
You are not pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifice pleasing to God is a BROKEN SPIRIT.
God, You will NOT despise a broken and humbled heart.”
He looks at my heart. Is it as He would find pleasing? Is it broken and humble, yearning for Him?
I feel broken, but I don’t know if I’m humble. I know I yearn for Him, His will in my life, but I don’t know if I’m humble. And I wondered if it is possible, if I could fast my pride for Him while at treatment. In as much as I am able, anyway. Just walk in and hang up my ideals, ideas, thoughts, etc. that were/are founded in pride so long ago. I know I need to.
All of these what-ifs pop up, though. What if they say I’m not sick or don’t have an eating disorder, what if I gain weight, what if I cannot do it, what if they don’t think I’m crazy (-_-) (◉_◉), what if I don’t ~prove~ to them that I need the help?
Sound a little off the wall?
I know Satan and his devils are there placing said thoughts to discourage me, but what if I tried? What would happen?