False Feelings

I'm about to get super disordered so if you're easily triggered I would suggest you skip this post. I'm sitting outside, drinking a chai latte and smoking and all I can think about is how sick I am and how I should care, but I don't. I've lost about 3 pounds since Monday and I...

Just a Random Bitchfest

I suppose I should write something witty, but I can't think of anything thanks to all this brain fog. I should be working on my church and state essay, but I'm a glutton for punishment so I am procrastinating. I am home because my neck and back hurt so bad I could barely function as...

It’s Okay to Deserve

It seemed like fun, Like something to help me get into better shape, Like something that would help me feel more confident, Like something to help me be a better me.... Or at least like something to help me like me a little more. But then, Well, then.... Then I can't stop. Then I can't...

I’ve Got Plenty to Go Around

Today I am writing from my brain. No more treatment entries. They were more for my benefit than anyone else's, anyways. Today I want to be real, to discuss a side of depression I have never experienced before. I knew it was coming. I tried to tell Pensack that I was becoming depressed and probably...

This is Where My Heart Got Me

S said I have sad eyes. A said I looked intimidating today. and that she looks up to me. Primary said I talk out of both sides of my mouth -- hence the need for combining family therapy with one primary session per week. R (psychiatrist) wasn't interest in staffing today. He was staring at...

Fuck that Shit

Feeling: despair, dread, hate, lost, annoyed, apathetic Got told 2X to go to cooking group.  Rather forcefully. So I went. Ate snack. Now exploring emotions.  NOT happy. If I tell the truth they'll take away my car. My Sunday mornings, ie. my freedom. I already feel so trapped.  So trapped. I'm so done. It's their...

Maybe You were Right

3 Fucking Tears. Just enough to fuck with my eyeliner. Take off your blazer please. Nothing with pockets in the kitchen. Take fucking note You fucking whore. Sit in your discomfort Appear normal on the outside Calm Cool Collected No one deserves to know. How you feel is your business. If you share you WILL...